6 weeks

I haven't really been able to talk about this since it happened aside from with 2 or 3 very close friends, and the entry I had previously posted about it I have since made private. Tonight, I'm going to give it a shot. We'll see how this goes, there are no "right" words to describe how this feels.

6 weeks ago today - on June 14th, my life as well as the lives of a lot of people around me were changed forever. 6 weeks ago today the lives of 2 beautiful young people were cut too short too soon, without warning. 17 and 18 years old with bright, promising futures ahead of them. 2 students who just 3 weeks prior to the accident, had the time of their life at their high school graduation, but didn't live to see the last day of school. The only comfort we have right now is knowing that Leigh and Megan loved each other to death, and now they are together forever.

6 weeks - 42 days later, the pain is still the same as the day it happened, and the same questions remain, the big one being why? Why did it happen? No one will ever know. The only 3 people who will ever know why are not here to give those answers. Why did it have to be them? I wish I knew. Was this all part of God's plan? I used to firmly believe that, but now it is something I can't help but question.

Leigh and I first met 11 years ago, and were inseparable until the day I moved half way across the country in 2005. When I moved back in late 2007, we picked up right where we left off. I will never forget the moments we shared together, good and bad, and I will cherish the memories I have forever. Riding our bikes every chance we had to Stockwoods to spend the little bit of money we had on junk food, usually 1 cent and 5 cent candy, especially those little chocolate "berries" as we called them (the little round chocolates with with the sprinkles on top), swedish fish, swedish berries, blue gummy sharks, and gummy top hats.

We have far too many memories to write out here without sitting here for 11 more years. Leigh has left a mark on my heart that will never fade, and I know there are a lot of other people who feel the same way. The group we created on Facebook now has over 5500 people pouring out amazing love for Leigh, Megan, Rodney, and their families. I just hope they left this world knowing how much they were loved. It certainly shows now.

I would just like to know when does it get easier? I know it has only been 6 weeks but I can't help but beat myself up because I feel like I have made *no* progress what so ever since June 14th. The crying seems endless. I can feel myself slipping into a place I thought I would never creep into again but I feel like I am heading there. I hate it. I am at the point that I am asking myself why I get out of bed every morning.